ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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