glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
