He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
