im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
