I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
