Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
