I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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