I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
