this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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