were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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