so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
