he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
3pm strippers are depressing
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
