Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
