You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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