The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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