I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
