omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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