This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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