what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
