hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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