Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
