how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
