I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
