So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your cock deserves a montage
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
