Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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