She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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