you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Mom said you looked used
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
