After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
