I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize