i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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