I think I just saw someone hide a body.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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