The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
