I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
