I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
