his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
