I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sext me about skeletons
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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