I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to make a zoo with you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
