guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
