your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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