maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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