hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
