this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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