I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
