I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
