sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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