dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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