my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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