I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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