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It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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