I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
