if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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