What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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