she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
