Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Never let your siblings swipe right.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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