She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
