The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
