i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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