I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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