You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
