Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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