Already got asked if we're dating
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
