I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
