Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
