my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
