Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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