is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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