so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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