Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Let's get the cat blown out
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
