I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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