the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
