So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
