White coat. Heels.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
