CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
