Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
