are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
