ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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