The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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