I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
