The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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