Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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