I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
