I cannot find my penis.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
