just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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