3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
