i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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