I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
