Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
