i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
