I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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