No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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