It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
