he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
