unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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