You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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